Monday, 2 December 2013

Unknown

A Kid's Computer Problem

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A Kid Calls The Help Desk To Complain About
Computer Problem..

Kid: When I Type Computer Password, it Just Shows Star Star Star Star [*****].
What is That joke? .

Help Desk: Dear Kid Those Stars Are To Protect You,
So That if a Person Standing Behind,
He Can’t Read Your Password….

Kid: Yeah Okay,
But Stars Appear Even When There is No One
Standing Behind Me
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Unknown

When a Non IT Girl Marries an IT Proffessional

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When a Non IT Girl Marries
an IT Proffessional
He: (Returning late from
work) "Good Evening Dear,
I`m now logged in."
She: Have you brought the
grocery?
He: Bad command or
filename.
She: But I told you in the
morning!
He: Syntax Error. Abort?
She: What about my new
TV?

He: Variable not found...
She: At least, give me your
Credit Card, I want
to do some shopping.
He: Sharing Violation.
Access denied...
She: Do you love me or do
you only love computers or
are you just being funny?
He: Too many parameters...
She: It was a great mistake
that I married an idiot like
you.
He: Data type mismatch.
She: You are useless.
He: It`s by Default.
She: What about your
Salary?
He: File in use ... Try later.
She: What is my value in
the family.
He: Unknown Virus 
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Unknown

Engineering is like Public Toilet

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Engineering Is like a....
.
.
.
.
typical Indian public toilet
.
.
People outside r desperate to go in &
people inside r dying to finish n come out......!! 
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Teachers Day Joke: Guru toh Guru Hota

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10 Doctors, 5 Engineers aur 1 Teacher helicopter ki rassi pe latke hue the.

 Pilot - Weight zyadaa hai, 1 Aadmi ko rassi choddni padegi!

 Teacher - "Ye Qurbani hum denge kyunki hum teacher hain! Bajao taaliyaan!"

 Sabhi Doctors aur Engineers taaliyaan bajaane lage!

 Weight khud hi kam ho gaya!

 MORAL: Doctor, bano ya Engineer, GURU toh aakhir GURU hi hota hai. 
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Roles In Heaven

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Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Ravan
Internet Explorer WWWF

 Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process

 Lakshman
Support Software and Backup

Hanuman
Linux/s390

Vaali
MS Windows

Sugreeva
DOS

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)

Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

Shani
Test Engineer: frequenty detecting bugs.

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Unknown

Computer World jokes on Sholay

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Jai hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”
AT GABBAR’S DEN…
Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?” Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.” Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”
Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.” Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout]. “Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga” Kaalia?”
Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”
Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!
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Unknown

Programming & Hindi Songs

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1.Two Recursive functions calling each other मुझे कुछ कहना हैं
मुझे भी कुछ कहना है
पहले तुम , पहले तुम

2. The debugger
जब कोई बात बिगड़ जाए
जब कोई मुश्किल पढ़ जाए
तुम देना साथ मेरा हम्नावाज़

3. From VC++ to VB येह हसीं वादीया
येह खुला आसमान
आ गए हम कहाँ

 4. Untrackable bug –
ए अजनबी , तू भी कभी ,
आवाज़ दे कहीं से

5. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client)
ये क्या हुआ , कैसे हुआ , कब हुआ , क्यों हुआ

6. And then to the client
जब हुआ , तब हुआ , ओ छोडो , ये न सोचो

7. Load Balancing
साथी हाथ बढ़ाना
एक अकेला थक जायेगा
मिल कर बोझ उठाना

8. Modem – talk on a busy connection
सुनो – कहो ,
कहा – सुना ,
कुछ हुआ क्या ?
अभी तो नहीं …
कुछ भी नहीं

9. Windows getting open sourced
परदे में रहने दो
पर्दा न उठाओ
पर्दा जो उठ गया तो भेद खुल जायेगा

10. Local variable
जीना यहाँ मरना यहाँ ,
इसके सिवा जाना कहाँ

11. Global variable
मुसाफिर हूँ यारों ,
न घर है न ठिकाना

12. Null pointers
मेरा जीवन कोरा कागज़ कोरा ही रह गया …

13. Dangling pointers
मौत भी आती नहीं जान भी जाती नहीं

14. GOTO
अजीब दास्ताँ है येह
कहाँ शुरू कहाँ ख़तम
ये मंजिलें हैं कौन सी
न वोह समझ सके न हम


15. Hidden or Private scope Variable/value
जानेजां .. ढूँढता फिर रहा ,
हूँ तुझे रात दिन ,
मैं यहाँ से वहां 
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Difference between java and .net

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Java
  • Java is both a programming language as well as a well developed technology.It was found by Sun MicroSystems.
  • In java source code is converted to ByteCode by JVM .
  • Java is platform independent, only thing we need is jvm on the platform which comes in all operating systems by default.
  • java has support to open source platform. 
  • java is not provied mutilanguage 
  • java can be make program many diff operating system but in .net can be used make program for any programming language VB,VC++,C#,ASP into windows OS.
.Net
  • .Net is a framework found by Microsoft which supports multiple languages like C#,VC++,VisualBasic,Web related applications such as ASP etc
  • while in .NET code id converted to MSIL(Microsoft Intermediate Language Code)by 
    the CLR supported by .NET.
  • .net is also platform independent as it needs only .net framework,but since m$ owns the copyright to the .net framework api's,it becomes platform dependent.
  • In .NET due to disconnected data access through ADO.NET, has a high level performance against JDBC which requires multiple roundtrips to the data base
    And Now a days MS people are saying that .NET can support  more than 40 languages.Its Majaor advantage is the Visual studio.Net which is highly efficient than anyother IDE.
  • .net has no direct support for open source platform.         
  • .net provied multi-language
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Friday, 29 November 2013

Unknown

How to Remove Ads from Android Apps, Games & Browser

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remove-ads-android

Earlier I have posted on how you can easily remove all the spammy advertisements, bulky popups and any other virus attacking stuff in your windows computer without using any software, well this post is part of that thing and we are going to use the same thing for getting rid of advertisements in Android free apps, games and browsers you use to browse the web.
Now if you really feel bad watching all those bad advertisements in your free apps and games and even browsing some websites online then we have a simple solution that will block all those advertisements for free using no software.

Removing Advertisements from Android :)

So now the steps are pretty simple, we will be using that HOSTS file blocking trick to get this thing working, so now just follow below steps and enjoy.
  1. Open this text file online and copy its contents in a new notepad file or download it to your PC.
  2. Now you have the file if you have downloaded the file just make sure to rename the file as "hosts" its really important.
  3. So now you have the "hosts" file that you need to place in your Android device in order to remove all those advertisements.
  4. Now just transfer this file to your android device and open your file explorer on your android device. (use a free file explorer like F-explorer)
  5. Now just copy the file on your android device and paste it in to /etc or /system/etc, now if there is already a hosts file present just rename it to hosts.bak (to create backup of older hosts file)
  6. Now just paste your new hosts file over here, make sure you have the administrative right's to paste the file.
  7. That's it guys now just reboot your android device and see this trick working.
Now after you reboot your device you will see how all the advertisements in your apps, games and browser are vanished away, now sometime if might feel awkward as every single ad will be gone but still if you want a clean screen then this is the way.
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Unknown

Adavantages And Disadvantages of Java

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Advantages(Pros):
  • Easier to learn than c++
  • Easier to read code than c++
  • More rapid and potentially less error-prone development (due to less memory management) than c++.
  • Most cross-platform since it was designed for it and Sun makes JREs and JDKs for most platforms
  • All things are passed by reference except for value types, by default
  • Garbage collector cleaning up objects once they're no longer used, so you don't have to manually track everything yourself
  • Apparently java 6 runs (some?) stuff slightly faster than c++ (test code ported from c++ ran faster despite having to do seemingly wasteful things!)
  • Program is compiled and optimized for the platform it's on, if necessary?
  • Easy to make multiple threads, and you can declare functions synchronized so only one thread can be in them at a time (IIRC)
  • You can use wait() and notifyAll() and notify() to suspend threads to wait for signals and wake them up again.
  • Various free IDEs available on all platforms, such as Eclipse
  • If the program crashes, it should either tell the user where in the code and why, showing a stack trace including line numbers (if debug symbols are enabled or something like that), or it can be dumped to an error log file.
  • Programs can be packaged into jar files with various data files in different jar files and accessed by users using Java WebStart, which will auto-update the program and any other needed jar files to the latest version, only downloading what jar files have changed.
  • Easier/more cross-platform networking than c++.
  • Files are read and written as big-endian on all platforms (which is network byte order) ensuring that communications between java programs and file loading never require byte-order swapping (unless talking to a non-java program or using a file written by one).
Disadvantages(cons):
  • Uses more memory than c++ or c#
  • JNI is terrifying, but if we're being cross-platform we probably won't use it, (except that the 3d engine will?)
  • Garbage collector using CPU cycles and memory - (but barely any, at least CPU time)
  • No unsigned integers
  • No pointers, no ref or out parameters (which replace pointers in c#). To return multiple things from a java function you tend to have to return an object[] holding each thing, or make a class which holds each thing and return an object of that class.
  • Some things were renamed - const is final in java, for example
  • Java does not allow indexers or operators on objects, e.g. if you use resizable lists etc, you have to do list.get(index) instead of list[index], and you can't do someVector + someOtherVector.
  • Java does not let you decide whether a type should be a value or a reference type (determining if it should be pass by value or pass by reference), unlike c#.
  • Jar files used by java webstart have to be signed with a certificate. Code signing certificates cost hundreds of dollars per year, or you can make a self-signed one and use that, which will make Java Webstart pop up a "This certificante can't be verified" dialog when the user tries to run the program. (Alternately, don't use Java Webstart and just distribute jar files directly - which requires users to check for updates themselves.)
  • Requires a JRE to be installed to run the program, which is a several hour download on dialup.
  • Have to use java 5 for generics, 1.4 doesn't have them. Java 6 is newest and a couple years old, but - Apple releases their own java versions for Mac users, and still hasn't released a "stable" java 6 version for its users.
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